A website walks into a bar (a cautionary tale about http, Seo and ninjas)

INT. INT. GOOGLEBAR — DAY

A SINGLE BARTENDER IS CLEANING GLASSES BEHIND THE BAR COUNTER. A WEBSITE ENTER THE PREMISE.

HTTP

Hello Google!

BARTENDER

Hello sir, how can i help you today ?

HTTP

Gimme the usual, it has been an hard day

BARTENDER

The “ranking” with 200 ingredients, sir ?

HTTP

yes please!

IN THE MEAN TIME ANOTHER WEBSITE ENTER THE BAR. HE HAS A CONDOM WRAPPED AROUND ITSELF, BUT HE CAN MOVE JUST FINE.

BARTENDER

Good morning Sir and welcome to our premise, how can i help you ?

HTTPS

I’ve read raving reviews about your famous cocktail the “Ranking”. I would like to try it, please.

BARTENDER

With 201 ingredients, right sir?

HTTPS

Yeah, surprise me!

THE OTHER WEBSITE SEEMS SURPRISED OF HEARING THAT THERE IS ONE ADDITIONAL INGREDIENT.

HTTP

Excuse me, but since when the “Ranking” has 201 ingredients instead of the standard 200 ?

BARTENDER

The Administration decided that we had to award a “special ingredient” for those who shows regards for safety of other people.

HTTP

This is madness, the guy is wrapping a condom around itself! How is that contributing to the public safety? He could still crash a truck full of gasoline inside a kindergarten for what we know!

BARTENDER

I’m sorry sir, it has been decided from the top brass.

HTTP

Look, i may wear a condom in my genital area, is that enough to get the 201th ingredient ? Would you check it ?

BARTENDER

Please no sir, i’m forbidden from exploring my patrons intimate parts and the administration stated that only the people who wear protection in their entirety are allowed the additional ingredient.

SUDDENDLY A NINJA MATERIALIZES AND STAB THE HTTPS WEBSITE WITH A SHORT BLADED SWORD. FTER A FEW SECONDS

BARTENDER

What the hell! What happened! Are you ok ?

HTTPS

Just a flesh wound !

BARTENDER

Why he is not reacting ? I think he is bleeding pagerank! What was that black man ?

HTTP

That, my friend, was an hacker.

BARTENDER

I thought mr HTTPS was safe! The condom malfunctioned! I’m confused!

HTTP

Maybe it was not intended to protect you from ninja sneak attacks… pour me another one.

Fade to black

ENDING CREDITS

 

Artwork by: Claire Mason (used with permission)